I’ve had three days to mourn and to search my soul as to why
this attack on people I don’t know in a place I’ve never been has felt so
incredibly personal. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are several factors
involved.
One: That Pulse was
supposed to be a safe place in a world where not many exist for my people. Two: That my brothers and sisters were hunted like animals in that safe place. Three: That people are trying to
straight-wash this until it isn’t what it is: a horrific attack against the
LGBTQIA tribe. Four: That none of
you who aren’t one of the letters knows or understands or cares. Five: That you can take your concealed
carry “I’ll protect you from dying like a sniveling coward” bullshit and shove
it up your ass. Then pull the fucking trigger. No, seriously. Delete your account.
So let’s explore these in depth, shall we? Because you don’t
know
You can’t understand. Unless you are LGBTQIA, you will never
understand what it’s like to always look over your shoulder, waiting for Bobby
Bigot (and there’s always a Bobby Bigot or two) to start something. You cannot
understand what it’s like to constantly be hyperaware of your surroundings, to
never be seated with your back to the door. You don’t know what it is to surreptitiously
listen for that angry voice in every environment. You can’t know what it feels
like to go grocery shopping with your boyfriend or girlfriend and consciously
keep a “respectable” (read: straight) amount of space between you, even when
all you’re doing is checking for an ingredient one of you is allergic to, or
snickering over the ridiculous tabloid headlines. You’ll never understand what
it’s like to be surrounded by people like you, with the same enemies, and to shed
those hundreds of pounds of fear and stress because you’re—finally, finally—safe
in a crowd that would never hurt you.
You can’t know.
Because you never once leave the house thinking you might be
in danger. It never occurs to you that if Bobby Bigot spots you, chances are
high he’ll try to kill you. First he’ll drop one of the many hate-filled words
that will tell you a beatdown is coming your way. Then you better hope to hell
he’s only armed with fists. Once, at work,
I faced down a knife wielded by a very pissed off, very large man yelling anti-fag
obscenities at me. It scared me but it pissed me off, too. Who was he to judge
my worth as a human being simply for doing my job? I’ll be forever grateful
that the other time I didn’t know about the gun until afterwards.
The troubled soul who committed this atrocity in Orlando intentionally,
and with malice aforethought, stalked LGBT brothers, sisters, mothers,
daughters, fathers, sons, cousins, lovers, best friends, human beings, to
murder them with sadistic glee for no other reasons than who they were, and who they
loved. There is some (as yet anecdotal) evidence that he’d patronized the
place on many previous occasions. He did not unleash his fury at Hooters or
Joe’s Crab Shack or Twin Peaks. No. With great deliberation, he targeted my
tribe. And that is why it feels so personal to me. There are so very few places
in the world where LGBT people can forget all their cares and revel in likeness
and safety. And right now there is one less.
But you can’t know.
And more to the point, you don’t want to know. You wear your
straight, WASP privilege like it’s a badge of courage—or worse, something
you’ve earned, going about your business because you’re at the top of the food
chain. You vacillate between your socially superior Liberal smugness and your
Second Amendment blindness. (All people are created equal—except the brown
people who possess or might possess or might have once looked upon a weapon.
Then they’re The Different—the target. Good guys with guns are the only way to
stop bad guys with guns, no matter how many sane, experienced voices tell you
that is complete and utter bullshit.) And you’re shocked—shocked!—when a tragedy like the Pulse massacre occurs. But
secretly, you take your cues from the mainstream media and think to yourself, “At
least it’s just the fags and not some innocent person,” and then, eventually,
the media stops mentioning the LGBT community and you conveniently forget how
savagely my people were targeted. Because it’s inherently our fault, isn’t it?
Because for all your bullshit public espousal of words like equality and
freedom—or worst, tolerance—, there’s
something in the back of your mind that reminds you there’s something wrong
with The Gays. We brought it on
ourselves. It’s divine retribution, or at least a good start. So it’s a good
thing that demented fuck with the gun didn’t go to, say a grade school, right?
Sure. Whatever helps you sleep.
You don't know.
Congress and local leaders always offer a moment of silence after a tragedy like this. But you and I both know their silence is empty. We cannot afford to remain silent and silenced. We cannot afford to allow the weapons manufacturers to make enormous profits from the blood of our friends, neighbors, and family.
If only more good guys had guns, the world would be safer, that's what the NRA teaches. Except we know this to be EMPIRICALLY untrue! Ask an Australian. Ask a Canadian. So take your shares of the weapons manufacturers and wipe the blood off your hands the next time this happens. You do know their share prices rise with each new mass shooting, don't you? Here's something to think about. Of the $3,782,803 the NRA has contributed to buying Congress since 1998, only $160,196 of that was spent buying Democrats. Now is the time to call and write your NRA whores in Washington and tell them to ban weapons designed to do nothing other than kill human beings.
You can’t know.
And I don’t want you to know. With not one ounce of my body would
I wish this unsettled feeling on
another person. I hope you never experience it. Chances are, though, unless we get the guns, unless we stop seeing
people as “Others” and treating them as “Less Than,” you will.
This shooter didn't know the strength of our tribe, but we do. We will survive. We will rebuild and return--bigger, better, and more fabulous than ever. That you do know!
Rob, my dear friend
ReplyDeleteI have read many reactions and some of the tributes pouring in since this animal unleashed his atrocity against an entire group of people, and none has affected me more than yours did. Regardless what others say, this was a personal and deadly attack against your community and unfortunately, as long as America is the land of the gun, mass attacks like this one will continue, and those who worship the gun will continue to say "my thoughts and prayers are with those who suffered". WTF does that mean and how will that phrase used over and over recently, end the agony inflicted on the friends and family of the GBLT community in Orlando and elsewhere?
Mass murders like this will continue until the NRA and the gun lobby no longer control America. Your country needs people with bigger balls to force your politicians who are bought lock, stock and barrel by the NRA, to STOP these mass murders from continuing. Americans do nothing but talk about the second amendment which I'm sure never envisaged assault weapons being unleashed on innocent people. Your leaders are fiddling while Rome (or America) is burning and they can't seem to get their fingers out of their asses.
My heart grieves with yours at this unthinkable attack on your community, and that is what this is, an ATTACK on everyone in the gay community. I'm not gay but I feel your hurt and pain. You know how much I love you and you should also know that people all over the world grieve with you and everyone else who is GBLT, or those like me who are straight that are just as affected by this atrocity.
Love and peace my friend.
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